Dissertation for dummies

  I've always loved the dummies series of books. (Not that I managed to finish any of them). They have a way of making any tough subject look far simpler.

  I never imagined that I'd be writing something like this though. This might be considered to be a big piece of junk. And I'm not sure about the status of my own dissertation either. So just consider this as a sort of guide, for the mistakes to avoid while writing a dissertation (albeit in a lighthearted way)

 Part I

  So, now you're the fresh Postgraduate, straight out of the churning machine of some coaching centre. You're in high spirits, because now your future is quite settled, (at least, till you realise it's the opposite) you're planning to get married, the future seems promising. 

  But, what's that?? you're just back from a Research Methodology workshop. You're all fired up about making ground breaking discoveries, get the Nobel Prize, become world famous.. (or, like me you just wonder how on earth all of this could be even possible. Everybody seems to get good ideas for research, while you're blocked. No amount of thinking is able to fix it) 😕  

 Now you're either raring to go with your mind bursting forth with ideas, or you've returned to the Department with a heavy heart and leaden feet. They've asked you to submit the dissertation protocol.  

 If you're the bright student, who has already done the ICMR projects and all that..then this isn't for you. If otherwise, you may proceed.

If your ground breaking 'SMART' ideas fail the green boxes, please rethink a hundred times before proceeding. If you realise you've come to terms with the harsh reality, go back to the blue boxes. 

 Good luck!! 

My experiences with Chennai traffic

I might have lost my funny bone.. or I'm just plain lazy.. either way, this has been on my mind for quite a while.. since I started driving in Chennai.. so, funny or not, here it goes. Murphy's laws of Chennai traffic

Law 1. Two wheelers vs four wheeler: I know it's pure subjectivism..but why does it always feel like cars behave as if they own the road? Especially in those tiniest of streets..

Law 2. Does Chennai suffer from night blindness? Why is it that most vehicles' headlights are on even at 6 pm..when there's adequate light? I feel like a deer walking into headlights.

Law 3. There is something termed as an indicator in each vehicle . Or is it just in a minority? Or is it a sort of game we play? Where everybody tries to guess the direction in which the driver in front is gonna turn??
If it's a game.. I think I'm starting to get the hang of it..

Law 4. One ways.. don't apply to two wheelers and cycles in Chennai..

Law 5. Getting bumped by a cycle accidentally while going on a scooterette hurts a lot more than it looks.. my dearest bicycle- I'm so sorry if we had troubles in the past.. I'm sorry I underestimated your power..

Law 6.  (not my original) while you're driving..those who are going slower than you are idiots and those who are faster than you are morons!

Law 7. Everybody's horn honks louder than ours..

Law 8. Pedestrians behave as if they have a death wish..  game no .2.. calculating the timing of a speeding bike, running and crossing the road at the last moment.

Law 9. Worst of all.. HIGH BEAM!! unakellam yaaru da license kudathuthu?? There are people who subconsciously judge others based on their grammar. I have an additional criteria.. using 'high beam' and blinding others...

10. Imagination runs short just when one needs it the most.. I can't think up of 10.

Anna Karenina - review

     Once Brothers Karamazov got over, it felt like I lost a sense of purpose. It felt nice to have a big book running in the background. I'd wanted to read Anna Karenina, so I took it up.

     If I could describe it in one sentence, 'It was a Roller Coaster Ride!'  Between Vronsky/Anna & Lyovin/Kitty.. one vacillates between the carnal and the sublime..so to speak..  I'm usually not the type to get emotional while reading books.. but this book affected me to the core.

    It's so easy to pass judgement on Anna.. After all, the mistake was hers, for the most part. Having an extra-marital affair, leaving her husband and running off with her lover..leaving her kid alone. But Tolstoy portrays the human frailty so beautifully. The perfect Anna.. So beautiful, she can pull off looking good so effortlessly, so perfect, composed.. even she ends up succumbing to temptation.

While Levin, the plain old boring guy.. and Kitty, the immature teenager.. they end up living happily together. 

  In addition, this book has one of my top creepiest moments in books.. Anna's vision, where she sees a dwarf, saying 'One has to beat the Iron, crush it, knead it'.. and Vronsky comes in the morning and confesses to Anna that he too, had the same dream. 

  In the end, (spoiler alert!!) I felt sorry for Anna.. that she ended up paranoid and killed herself. It was sad, that no one thought much about her after that.. 

  The book felt like it ended too soon.. and I didn't like taking up war and peace after that.. but I will be posting another book review soon.

Ciao!

  

Eventually..

     If I could describe myself in three words, it would be sarcastic, bitter & cynical. I don't think I can be labelled as funny, smart, outgoing, fun to be with etc.

    Looking at this blog, it feels like I used to possess an iota of humour back then. Somehow it eludes me now, so I'm going to make an attempt hereafter to get it back.

   Eventually.. it used to be a favourite word with me. Back during school, each year went with the hope that somehow, next year I'll get smarter in Math, and I won't make horrendous mistakes in exams. It just wasn't happening.. I got better at Math, but I got more and more stressed out before exams, that my mistakes just kept getting worse. Finally when I was this 'solves problem in one minute' genius in Math, I ditched it, after Tenth, simply because I couldn't stand Math exams.

   To be honest, I miss Math. Statistics these days, doesn't make up for it. But, one thought of Math exams, and everything else vanishes.

   Now it was the point of choosing my career. When my plus two results were expected to arrive. I was all like ' Just let me get good marks at this, life will be settled and somehow I'll get through college and get a job.' 

   Oh boy.. was I ever more mistaken!!

   Then came college.. I hated studying Medicine. I wasn't one of those with the adjustment problems, which get settled in a few years. I hadn't realised that at first. I just thought people go through this most of the time, and eventually I might grow to like it as well. 

  Wrong again!!

   I could never bring myself to like Medicine, that even when I was about to finish, my mum was wondering which subject I would be good at. All through my Undergrad years, I kept telling myself, 'Just let college get over, eventually things will work out.'

   I think the tale gets predictable after this. Then came the entrance preparation. Obviously I hated it, I was all like, 'Just let me get a decent rank..I'll sort through the rest of my life'.  I must digress at this point..for this quote

                                          

   Needless to say, I still have a few qualms during post graduation, though mostly I'm used to it..and I've realised that it has helped me in many ways, to make me a better person. Most of all, I've left the habit of saying Eventually..eventually things are going to get better.

   Now is the point when people have started asking me when I am going to get married. I haven't figured out an answer to that till now. Unlike before, I don't wistfully look at my friends' wedding pictures, longing for the same. Some of my friends have kids in their pre-school years even. I'm having fun, the way I am now. 

    So.. hence forth, no eventually.. No saying that things will get better if I get married and have kids. No saying that I'll just pass my masters exam and get a job.. and life will get easier.

    When I started this post, I expected it to be funny.. it isn't..I guess.. 

    Hope I get back in tune.. eventually 

Book review - The Brothers Karamazov

 
     I have reviewed books for many people.. but always felt too lazy to put them together. Hopefully I'll continue them here.
 
     I used to love fiction. My two genres for quite a long time were crime/detective fiction and fantasy/adventure. I hated anything even remotely resembling real life, since I felt that life is miserable already, and it was better to escape into the world of make believe.
   
     I'm starting with Brothers Karamazov, since it was the first non-fantasy book I read. There are heaps of objective book critiques/reviews online, but this is going to be more subjective.

     The book took me a whopping three years to read. They say that Dostoevsky saw a bit of himself in all the three brothers, Alyosha, Ivan & Mitya, even may be Smerdyakov. I liked Alyosha and Ivan. To me, it felt like they were all I wanted to be. Smart, witty, philosophical, a trusting faith, that doesn't waver, never doubts, pure, innocent.

     Looking deeper, may be there's a Dmitri, in all of us, even Smerdyakov. The hot-headedness, the once depraved life, may be.. that which scares us.

     There was once a time, when I felt atheism might be an answer, shallow as it sounded. But Ivan's descent into madness, when he realizes that ultimately he was responsible for inciting Smerdyakov into murder.. creepy.

     At the end, it all pans out, like any other good movie. Dostoevsky stays true to the parable of the prodigal son.

    Why don't they write such good books in English?

“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” 
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
   
     

Laws of Nature

     There are times when I don't feel much like myself. And I really do not want to sound so rude/vindictive. Hence the whole gap since the previous posts, There were quite a few times when I wrote something and later trashed it, regretting it.
     Writing is like a therapy for me. And I really wish I get over my writer's block as well. I might update this post later on, as I get more fresh ideas, but as of now, here it goes.

     There are laws of physics, and then there are Murphy's laws.. It never rains, only pours..and all that. Though I'm quite bad at practical psychology, I seem to find certain unusual patterns in human nature. I feel they're intriguing. Here they are.

     1. No names dropping, but musicians (pianists especially, that too - guys) seem to fall for beautiful, young sopranos.. or singers, at the least. Given a choice between a fellow pianist and a soprano singer, the odds are in favor of the soprano.. Why is that?

     2. Girls prefer intelligent guys and guys prefer beautiful dumb girls..

     3. People who have a knack for choosing perfect gifts, don't have friends who possess the same talent.

     4. There are some people who are never sure of their choices, while some others, stick to their decisions no matter what.

    5. The aforementioned category of 'some others' need a peculiar sort of blind courage, which seems to elude people like me.

    6. Preaching and practicing are entirely two different entities.

To be continued...

Orion's belt

I don't really remember exactly when, but ever since I was little I used to look for the orion's belt in the sky at night. For a long time it was just a row of three stars for me. Then someone told me it was the Orion's belt I was looking at every night. 

 I can't explain exactly why but I  felt an odd sense of comfort looking for it every night and finding it was still there.Even when I found myself away from home in the prison I hate till now, oddly it was comforting to have one of the few things that remained the same no matter what the situation was.

Things change. People change. Even I'm not who I was before. I still do keep wishing I were back at home, living my goold ol' life. A life where I could  be comfortable with my keyboard, my garfield ( my cat ) , my books, my gadgets..Sadly, wishing for things to be the way they were doesn't do any good, isn't it? On a brighter note, some things do remain the same, life the Orion's belt despite all the twists and turns of life. In a way, I think of God, whenever I see the Orion's belt. He, the creator of all the stars, the whole universe, right upto the tiniest bits of the atom, He is still the same. Our God is the ever lasting God. In the good times and bad, He alone is God. For me that is the most comforting thought..that I am His child and He promised to be with me through all the mountains and valleys I face in life.. 

Forgiving

   
    I seem to be on a roll. Ideas keep pouring into my mind. And putting them into words is getting tougher.
  
    In one of my posts, I was reflecting on how chaotic things would be if everybody thought morals were relative. In Brothers Karamazov, Ivan says, 'If there was no God, then everything would be permissible.. Since deciding on right or wrong would be ultimately up to us.' When Smerdyakov quotes it back to Ivan as his reason for killing his father... Ivan start descending into madness..

    Dostoevsky saw himself in all the four Karamazov brothers.. Passion, reason, the saint I could understand.. There are those three inside most of us.. But I sort of disregarded Smerdyakov.. In retrospect, I guess I'm wrong. Now I understand.. The illegitimate son. The son of stinking Lizaveta.. In a way, I could understand how much hurt he'd have grown up with.. But I'm not him. I at least try not to let hurt ruin my life..

     Forgiveness in a broad sense, is easy to conceptualize. I hit someone, they hit me back.. We are fair and square, forgiving is easy.. I might even feel proud that I am emulating Christian principles.
 
     But when I end up paying for someone else's mistakes, it ain't so easy..  Especially since I come under the 'can't speak for myself' category.. Forgiving means both not holding grudges and not feeling hurt by them, right?

      I don't hold grudges.. I can't .. But I find it extremely hard to stop feeling hurt.. Bullying at school, college.. Someone I thought I could trust.. Betrayed me.. Cheating right under my nose for almost a year.... Hurts at times...

      Praying The Lord's Prayer every Sunday is Herculean for me. Solely because of this.. " Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". I know Jesus told.. If we forgive, the Heavenly father will forgive us .. And if we don't forgive, he won't forgive us either..

     But then the question arises.. Isn't it a selfish motive? If I want to forgive others just because I want God to forgive me?

     I'm not bitter- yet. I don't want to turn into a cynical and bitter person either. I just wish things would hurt less intensely.. I know God is still on the throne.. And I know he is there.. Though he might feel distant. With Haydn's Te Deum running on the background.. I feel almost next to nothing... In front of his majesty and glory. Like Job, I can say 'I know that my redeemer liveth'. It's not just about a feeling one gets.. It's more than that. It's knowing. It's just this intense struggle between knowing and trying not to feel hurt..